{"id": "card_n_f784aa08ea5d", "kind": "note", "title": "Augustine, Confessions §aug_conf_04_012: O madness, which knowest not how to love men, like men!", "body": "O madness, which knowest not how to love men, like men! O foolish man that I then was, enduring impatiently the lot of man! I fretted then, sighed, wept, was distracted; had neither rest nor counsel. For I bore about a shattered and bleeding soul, impatient of being borne by me, yet where to repose it, I found not. Not in calm groves, not in games and music, nor in fragrant spots, nor in curious banquetings, nor in the pleasures of the bed and the couch; nor (finally) in books or poesy, found it repose. All things looked ghastly, yea, the very light; whatsoever was not what he was, was revolting and hateful, except groaning and tears. For in those alone found I a little refreshment. But when my soul was withdrawn from them a huge load of misery weighed me down. To Thee, O Lord, it ought to have been raised, for Thee to lighten; I knew it; but neither could nor would; the more, since, when I thought of Thee, Thou wert not to me any solid or substantial thing. For Thou wert not Thyself, but a mere phantom, and my error was my God. If I offered to discharge my load thereon, that it might rest, it glided through the void, and came rushing down again on me; and I had remained to myself a hapless spot, where I could neither be, nor be from thence. For whither should my heart flee from my heart? Whither should I flee from myself? Whither not follow myself? And yet I fled out of my country; for so should mine eyes less look for him, where they were not wont to see him. And thus from Thagaste, I came to Carthage.", "source": {"label": "Augustine, Confessions (c. AD 400)", "url": "/canon.html?ref=augustine_aug_conf_04_012", "ref": "aug_conf_04_012", "authority_tier": "father"}, "shelf": "classics", "box": "augustine_confessions", "bands": ["augustine", "confessions", "father"], "connections": [{"to_card_id": "card_n_f7e96a29ed3c", "relationship": "same_section", "origin": "nesting_2026_06_12"}, {"to_card_id": "card_n_f74f369d2fbc", "relationship": "same_section", "origin": "nesting_2026_06_12"}], "author": "engine", "created_at": "2026-05-19T13:20:57.710867+00:00", "updated_at": "2026-05-19T19:57:55.436953+00:00", "visibility": "public", "lifecycle_stage": "public", "volatility": "permanent", "metrics": {"paperclips_count": 0, "helpful_count": 0, "not_helpful_count": 0, "cite_count": 4, "walks_through_count": 0, "flagged_count": 0}, "source_hash": "7a546a1b7e2d61f62b6f75a0905c1313c2b45b84ac19d358e745e86fefe4d9a4", "witnesses": [{"class": "manuscript_tradition", "label": "Patrologia Latina (Migne) vol. 32 — Confessions Latin text", "url": "https://patristica.net/latina/", "ref": "PL-32"}, {"class": "critical_edition", "label": "Corpus Christianorum Series Latina (CCSL) 27 — Verheijen", "url": "https://www.corpuschristianorum.org/", "ref": "CCSL-27"}, {"class": "translation", "label": "Pusey translation (1838) — Library of Fathers", "url": "https://www.ccel.org/ccel/schaff/npnf101.html", "ref": "Pusey-1838"}, {"class": "translation", "label": "Pine-Coffin translation (Penguin Classics, 1961)", "ref": "Pine-Coffin-1961"}, {"class": "republication", "label": "Internet Archive — Confessions (multiple editions)", "url": "https://archive.org/search?query=augustine+confessions", "ref": "IA-Confessions"}, {"class": "republication", "label": "Project Gutenberg — Confessions", "url": "https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3296", "ref": "PG-3296"}, {"class": "citation_tradition", "label": "Aquinas, Summa Theologica — cites Confessions extensively", "ref": "Aquinas-ST"}], "witness_status": "passed", "witness_status_reason": "7 witnesses across 5 independence classes: ['citation_tradition', 'critical_edition', 'manuscript_tradition', 'republication', 'translation']", "surface": "witness"}